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Month 1, Day 22: Eviction // who cares?

Jan. 21st, 2008 | 02:37 pm

Okay, so I WAS right. Life IS easy and you don't have to worry about things. It's just that I'm stupid and don't even learn the lessons I give myself...

So the other day I had the chance to talk to this person about music and future gigs at our club but I got a fever and went home. I literally got a fever, though. Like, I was feeling fine, really good indeed, and suddenly my head feels like it's going to explode and my brain is going to squirt out through my nose.
At first I thought it was a punishment because I didn't have the guts to talk to this guy and I was supposed to feel bad. But then I realised that this only happened to keep me from talking to him. Because now I met this other guy, the Eccentric, and I'm back and focused completely on the Social Centre project. I'm going to write about that soon but now I have to get my stuff together because BALLS POND IS BEING EVICTED TOMORROW (oops, who pressed the caps lock?) and I'll move to Clapton.
Actually I have another place on Essex Road but I have a funny feeling about that squat, and I'm spending all my time in Clapton anyway. Plus, I need to find people and empties (meeting on wed at pogo), so it's only temporary anyway. Let's see how many people will show up this time...
(fucking squatters)

Someone came around the other day and brought a tattoo machine, so Povey got a tattoo which says "I'm going to regret this..." on his thigh. I want to get another one as well, but I want to do it myself.

When you are sitting in a circle with other people and someone starts playing the guitar and someone else starts drumming on the desk and yet another person gets a tube and uses it as a didgeridoo and you really want to join in as well but you don't know what to do and you just nod your head, it feels like you really want to kiss or touch someone but you don't know how to do it and you pretend you are cool and relaxed but all you want is hurl yourself into it and get it on...
(fucking hippies)

We have a growing lamp as big as a tanning bed. Now we know why the club has been closed. Maybe it's also because people had been shot. Who knows? Who cares?
We are going to replace the neon tubes with black light tubes. It looks fucking amazing.

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No it's not a problem for me

Jan. 18th, 2008 | 07:13 pm

I'm such an idiot.
Like, yesterday I had it. I knew what I had to do. It was all clear in front of my eyes.
And then I went and fucked it up. It's unbelievable!!

I mean, I was all like "it will come to you, all you have to do is cease your chance" and there I was, there was my chance, there was he, standing in the corner, all by himself, bored, waiting. And what did I do? Nothing!! Of course, nothing!! You stupid girl, you stupid, stupid girl!! Didn't you hear what I told you? Let go, don't think? What was the problem? Your an idiot, we knew it. Your an idiot, that's the problem and it will never change. Such a stupid girl...

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So So Happy Making

Jan. 17th, 2008 | 06:45 am

omg omg omg omg!!!

Be happy when you don't get what you really wanted. Be grateful! Because you will get something so much better! So so much better, you could have never thought of it, made it up, prayed for it. You just have to let go. Forget it! Look out for something else! You will find it and be so grateful you don't have the old thing anymore because there you are and in your hands, there is it: the new thing!

lol sorry for sounding like a hippie, but I am out of my mind. all this years I was always worrying about everything, thinking! about everything! what a waste of time!! what a waste of energy! it all comes to you whether you want it or not, you just have to accept it. man, it's so easy! life is so easy!

don't be afraid. that's all i can tell you. you'll be fine. you'll be fine. you'll be fine.
for a while.

then you'll be in deep shit.

and then you'll be fine again. you'll be fine. you'll be fine. you'll be fine.

for a while.

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Float on a river forever and ever

Jan. 12th, 2008 | 09:50 am

so now I'm left to pick up the pieces of my rotten life and make something nice out of it for Mother's Day

or I'll just go to Phonica at the T Bar

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See me play

Jan. 8th, 2008 | 09:36 am

NYECollapse )

The year started too good I'm afraid. Now it only can get worse.

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Welcome to the Jungle

Dec. 16th, 2007 | 04:25 pm

Maybe I should stop answering my emails before I post to lj. I hate writing everything twice. I could just drag'n'drop it if it was English...

We got in touch with the bailiffs and they said they're not going to do anything this year. So we can stay in the house for another month maybe. Cool.
After that I'll probably move to the pub for a while. It's near our house and there's some punks and hippie kinda people living there. It's really nice. And they have hot water!

Oh man three days ago was the first time I took a proper shower since I came back to England! Guys, appreciate your mod cons! You don't know how nice it is to have a washing machine, fridge, etc. Like, electricity is the most important thing. Because even if you don't have hot water or heating, you can still plug in the kettle or a heater. You can recharge your iPod or mobile phone, you can plug in your blow dryer, your radio, your iBook. Electricity is the key to civilization, man!
Tomorrow they're cutting off our power.

I was thinking about quitting my job at the pub. The French girls quit already and I can't really work with anyone else. But then again I need the money. I don't really need the money, because I don't pay bills and I'm not a junkie. But I still need the money. I almost have all the money together to pay off my debts. But I've been working 50 hours per week. Not very squattish, he? And after that I still need to get more money to do all those courses.
I really want to train as a sound engineer. The student fee is about 9 grand but it includes an iBook and all the programmes I'd need, so I wouldn't have to spend any more money on that.
I'd have to work for 7 months, 50 hpw, and not spend 1 single penny to get it all together though. Man...

I'm shagging this guy, Bob Dylan, the cynic office worker with eyes from outter space (see comments, last entry). It's kinda weird because we're living in the same house. He's going to Berlin next week, though. I think I'll start bringing people around. I have the house for myself from the 23rd.

Oh yeah, btw. I'm having a New Year's Eve party in our house. You are all invited! Everyone on my friend's list. I know it's kinda ridiculous, because no one is living in London, I think. But still, if you feel like it and manage to get a cheap flight, you are welcome to stay in my house. It would be nice to meet you as well. You can even bring a friend or two. It's going to be fantastic!

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Walking on the streets of London late at night (Ada Ripper! Ada Ripper!)

Nov. 25th, 2007 | 05:18 pm

Yesterday I got kicked out of my place.
I was staying with a guy I met two weeks ago. I was homeless back then and he said I could sleep on his floor. Of course he tried to get me into his bed instead but I refused.
Anyway, yesterday he walked into 'my room' (= the living room) while I was still half asleep on the dirty carpet and said 'Alright, my friend, I think it's time for you to pack your things and go.'
At first I thought that he was joking but then he said 'I have to leave in half an hour so hurry up, please!'
Next thing I know is I'm standing on the street with my rucksack and nowhere to go.

Now I really had more important things to do than look for a flat. I was going to have a date that night, for fuck's sake, and I didn't even have anything neat to wear! Jesus...
So I just left all my stuff at the pub I work at and got drunk with my colleagues on their break. (Oh, yeah, btw, I found a job. I'm working at DIRTY DICKS which is an expensive pub near Liverpool Street Station. I would never go there, three quid for a bitter, holy shit! But I like the uniform. And the kitchen and bar staff are lovely. We always get drunk together on our breaks and try to piss off the assistant manager as much as possible.)

After that I went to the Buffalo Bar where the Cave Club was going to be held.
As for my date, it went pretty well. In fact, I'm sore. I can't even sit properly. What can I say...

Now I'm in a squat in Dalston, five minutes from where I was staying before. Pretty awesome!
But the squat is going to be evicted in 2-6 weeks. They went to court twice and lost, so we are waiting for the bailiffs to arrive, which is probably going to happen tomorrow when I'm at work.
Shame really, it's such a nice house!

That's it, really, not much going on. Might get a second job in Covent Garden. I need to save up money as quickly as possible, and I still have to pay off my debts. You might remember, earlier this year, Germany, Horror Trip? But it was worth it. Otherwise I'd still be in Vienna, wasting my life away, getting fat and bitter and eventually choke to death on all my cats' shit.

I'm going to try and wash my hair now. Wish me luck!

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...and my life shall be lived for the thrill

Nov. 20th, 2007 | 12:59 am

So I'm really looking forward to Saturday. You know, usually I just go somewhere on my own (usually some gig) and don't know what to do with myself all night long, standing in some corner, waiting for the band to come on while everyone else is chatting away, having the time of their lives. And there's always this point when I start questioning the way I am, the way I handle things, my way of socialising or rather not socialising. And I think that maybe what I do and how I do it is wrong in the sense of "This is where my previous actions have lead me to and it didn't make me happy. Maybe I should try something else?" But then again when I imagine the things I could do instead, e.g. get drunk, talk to strangers about the weather, desperately try to get laid, I just bloody know that that certainly ain't the way I want to live my life and that it wouldn't make me happy either. So I spend the night avoiding eye contact and waiting for some lousy band to come on stage and finish their set so I can go home.

Okay, so this totally isn't what I was planning to write about. Anyway.

This Saturday is going to be the day of the first Cave Club at the Buffalo Bar. I virtually live in that bar so of course I'll be there. Also the club is hosted by some of the Horrors + friends, which is kind of a guarantee for good music (= music that I like). Also I know the staff there so getting drunk "unintentionally" is very likely. Also I'm going to meet some people there which I don't really know yet (in real life, o the miracle of the internet), but that's probably going to change that night. And finally, I will also have some sort of date with a bloke I met at a previous gig.
So as you can see, plenty of social engagements, which I'm not really used to and I'm afraid my mind might snap due to overheating or something.

Should be a nice one.

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That's why we only work when we need the money

Nov. 16th, 2007 | 02:26 pm

Ouch... erm, anyway.

Yeah, I'm running out of money. I had a job interview today. I will work on trial this Sunday, but I suppose I got the job.

I'm going to work a lot and save up money. Then I will train as a sound engineer. Eventually, I will become a producer and have my own label.
I will also find a suitable house and people to open a squat with. The ground floor will be a gallery, the basement will be a concert venue and we will live on the top floors. We will have a garden on the roof, which is awesome in the summer. It's going to be a bit of a punk house. You can come by anytime. Sit down, cup of tea?

What do you dream of?

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Nov. 15th, 2007 | 04:07 pm

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